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A new day begins…
As I reflect on the last couple years or so I realize, direction is difficult to find when everything is a shade of gray… This reminds me of one of the final paragraphs of my last post (over a year ago from this one)
“A man born blind knows nothing of color, of light, or how it can be bright. He knows nothing of the sun but the warmth on his face, a shadow of something greater. We are all thus born blind, but knowledge by itself does not teach us to see, we see simply by opening our eyes and believing what they show us…”
It makes me see a part of my own struggles with mental health as not just an internal struggle but one made harder by my actions.
We are emotional creatures, but I’m not a very good person at managing those. Oh I can be fairly agreeable whenever I want to be, but to actually understand what I feel or (to even more difficulty), explain it to others. Those are not easy things for me to wrestle with. I’m sure I am not alone in that struggle either, but sometimes you have to walk a path and fight for something before you know why or what you are fighting for…
Ok, that’s a little hard to follow maybe, but if you have struggled like I have maybe you get it… I hope. In short, when you feel a lot of things at once it takes time to unravel them. I have fear, grief, pain, worry, anxiety, and sorrow, fill me for the last couple of years. It’s been a journey to say the least, but I think I’m better for it. I wasn’t in the same depression I found myself in back a couple years before that, but it was in part the journey to get out of there.
Speaking of journeys, I’d like to share a little bit of my spiritual journey as well. It’s not something I’m going to push too much at this moment but maybe it might help someone as it played no small part in getting me out of the pit I was in. So, I’ll be somewhat brief but we are condensing over 20years into a few paragraphs so not too brief.
I came to believe and put my trust in Jesus when I was 8. I understood that made him Lord in my life and that meant obeying his rules, and living to serve him. I knew I would fail, but all the people I had seen go through this process had changes in their actions and behavior that I never could have believed if I didn’t see it for myself (a few years eariler my Dad was Saved and the change I saw in him had no small part in my grounding that there was a genuine God and this was how to find him).
What I didn’t know (partly because all I knew were older people who came to Jesus as adults) was it didn’t always work like a thermostat. I had thought sanctification was like getting one degree more like Christ at a time. I had Salvation and assurance that God was in control, but sanctification wasn’t the straight path I thought it to be, at least not for me. All the stories I heard were “I was an x y z kind of person and Jesus helped me not be such a terrible person and became more like him” kind of testimony. Which is great, but I was young when I came to Jesus… And all my “worst” Sins (rebellion against God) were in front of me, not behind.
I was better than I would have been for sure, but that wasn’t real for me until about two or three years ago. That is when I saw how wicked my heart truly could be. Partly in action, and mostly in thought, I began to see who and what I would be as I struggled to get out of depression. The sins I committed were but a small taste of what I wanted, and what I wanted was wicked by all but the worst of human standards. How was I being sanctified? Why was I getting worse in thought and deed? Because to get out of the darkness of my own depression I had to face everything I ignored about my heart, about my soul, and about my mind from about 8 years old until now…
I understand now what Jesus meant about the Log in your own eye needing taken out before you should be helping others, so much is hard to see when you are blind to your own issues in your heart, mind, and soul. That dark part of your thoughts, that thing you are not comfortable talking about, that capacity and temptation of sin you hope will go away if you ignore it… It doesn’t go away, it festers, infects, and makes life worse than you realize it can even though you think you aren’t feeding it… So face the darkness in yourself, accept that you are not a “good” person. The only good person to have walked on this earth is Jesus himself. The rest of us… We need a lot of work, even then we are not “Good” but at least we aren’t what we could have been… Again I’m not talking about salvation in all that, salvation I believe is a debt paid by Jesus on the cross for us, we can’t earn that in the slightest. Sanctification is our walk with God after we accept that gift.
Aaaannndd… Wall of text done, if you made it this far I’m sorry… Maybe it helps, it wouldn’t have helped me much but I can be hard headed and have to learn the hard way. Anyway, I’d like to announce that I am slowly getting back into writing again. I’ll try and start making posts here a little more often again, I had a draft from last year I should finish too… If it’s even worth it at this point haha. I’ve figured out what I was lacking in the new series to help broaden the scope, story, and setting. That’d make a good subject for another blog post though.
So until next time, may God bless you and keep you!
Made with love (aka the chocolate covered peanut argument)
Made with love, is something you might find written next to a meal, sweet, or snack. Most often made by someone’s loved one to enjoy and share with others.
It’s a strange expression though isn’t it? Love is not an ingredient you can buy at the store. It is also not something you blend into a batter. You cannot sprinkle it on top of anything. Yet somehow, we can faintly detect that it’s there in our food.
The culinary field is one of both art and science. A cook is as much a chemist as they are a sculptor. Science is the pursuit of knowledge and truth, both can only be discovered not invented. Art by contrast is the field of creating things from other things, to express emotions in a relatable way. Any cook is both the chemist and the artist, a wonderful blend.
So let’s take a closer look at “made with love” and see if we can prove it.
What is flavor? Why do we taste? A simple check of if something is poison to us or not does not need to be so varied. So for arguments sake lets say bitter is for bad, and sweet is for good. Why do we then have sour, savory, salty, creamy, and nutty? An argument can be made for a more diverse sense of smell (and our sense of smell is more diverse) but why do we have such variation in flavor? It serves no evolutionary benefit to our species.
On top of this mystery, why do combinations of flavors often taste better than one alone? Sweet and salty, savory and creamy, sweet and sour, bitter and sweet, nutty and savory, the list goes on. There is something irrational about it. Combinations should overwhelm yet they harmonize. It’s almost like flavor is connected to the creative side of us, yet is repeatable and measurable like the science side.
Yet all flavors and combinations were there from the beginning, we don’t invent them we discover them. On top of this, combinations of flavors are also found naturally. Let’s take one example, the peanut.
Peanuts (when roasted) are savory, creamy, nutty, and salty all on their own. Yes we add salt, but if you cut out sodium from your diet even unsalted peanuts would have a bit of a salty flavor. People have been eating this food for hundreds if not thousands of years, yet alone it doesn’t compare to it’s combination potential in modern times.
A second example, chocolate. Yes chocolate is a modern confection, but people have consumed cocoa for hundreds if not thousands of years. We have been making bread for thousands of years too, so it’s not a far stretch that we could have been making a more modern form of chocolate for as long, the chemical process is similar (dry, crush, blend, bake). Cocoa is bitter, but has a mild sweet undertone. With modern chocolate we flip that and make it sweet with the bitter undertone.
Now we can trace back consumption of both these foods to eras past, yet together they make a near flawless combination in the modern day. Chocolate covered peanuts are sweet, salty, creamy, savory, bitter, and nutty all at once. You can taste them all, not one aspect drowned out by the collective flavors. A simple but extraordinary combination, that existed undiscovered for thousands of years.
Our senses are how we experience and process information about the world we live in. So flavor is too information, but what does it inform us about? Well, good, bad, chemical properties, and dare I say a hint of Love? Flavors like chocolate covered peanuts have existed from the start of it all, as such do they not point to something or someone who cares about us?
The experience of taste is without a doubt the closest we can come to a repeatable, measurable, and scientific way to show inteligent design to our five senses. If not a loving creator, why then would we have so many flavors? How do you rationalize the wonder of chocolate covered peanuts without a God? We eat because we hunger, we eat what doesn’t taste bad to us, so why then do some things taste so good that we can’t help but want more?
Why do I write?
Hey everyone,
A question that I have found hard to answer is: What do I want out of [insert situation/job position here]. A paycheck is the obvious answer of course in a lot of cases. It’s an answer a lot of us have to the question but rarely do we give that answer. We come up with some throw away line like “to build up my experience” “expand my understanding” or “move into the next step of my career”. But to give an honest answer? It’s likely to get a few extra numbers thrown into the bank account at the end of the day.
Now to be clear, I have never really wanted to be wealthy. I would be quite happy living in an RV, or a shack (preferably near an ocean). To live comfortably was always my desire out of my income.
So why bring all this up in an article about why I write? I’m glad you asked.
There are two distinctions I need to make, and the first is teased out above. Why do I publish my books? Is to make money. My dream is to quit my day job, bridges burning and just write for a living. In order to do that, I need to make something off the finished stories to pay the bills and such. You will find that is why pretty much every author publishes their works (getting it out to the public only counts as a reason if you always give it away for free 😉).
So that is why I publish, but why do I write?
I write for three main reasons. First, as a release/destraction from everyday life. Writing helps me process my emotions. In that way it’s a release, allowing me to express a large range of feelings.
Second reason is to finish the stories in my head. I have several stories running through my head constantly. Writing them down allows me to develop them in such a way that I can get them out of my head 😂. They do fade on their own eventually, but I have had the same story playing through my head for over a year before.
The third reason is… well, because I can. It kinda sounds funny to put it that way but hear me out. I am quite poor at drawing things out from my head. I cannot sculpt, or make pottery. I have the ability to string out my thoughts on paper in a creative way. It plays into the other two reasons, but it really is it’s own reason. For instance: I would love to make video games. My talents don’t lend themselves to game creation, writing books however is a perfect fit.
So that is why I write, well that and I enjoy it haha. Now let me ask all of you. What is your creative outlet if you have one?
This is the last blog of the month, and this subject ties into my plans for next month very well. In July I will be writing a series about the basics of writing. This is part of encouraging summer reading, I will have something fun to announce for July here soon as well.
Until next time, may God bless you and keep you.
Why disinterest is your greatest adversary
Hey everyone,
While writing, working at your job, going to school, or interacting with others there are many things that can make your life more difficult. Disliking the activity, people you don’t get along with, and disinterest are just a few. I would argue that the most powerful one you face is disinterest.
When you’re disinterested it causes the worst responses possible. Apathy is the opposite of love, and as such it works to remove your desire to have any connection to the activity at hand. This couples into depression as well. I, like many other people, have mistaken depression to be a feeling of inescapable sadness. Depression isn’t always sad however, more often it is more like a lack of caring.
Not caring about something, or being disinterested, makes it exceedingly difficult to do anything. Depression is the ultimate expression of this phenomenon. Why do we have apathy then? There is a good reason for it though.
Apathy is a defense mechanism, a shield. It is hard for something to hurt you if you don’t care about it. This has great power over your emotions, actions, and interactions. As such when left out of check, it can ruin your relationships, or worse lead into a depression spiral. Getting out of this situation is easiest when you haven’t let it have control of too many parts of your life.
To conquer disinterest you must let things feel again. Your happiness doesn’t work without something sad to compare it to. To feel love you must be exposed to pain. It isn’t fun, but you must not let apathy control you. When it runs your life it only leads to depression, when you take control back you feel again and it won’t likely be pleasant. Don’t give up though, lean on your friends, family, or seek professional help. The best thing you can do is seek Jesus and a relationship with him if you haven’t already. God knows how powerful your emotions are, and will help you though the hard times when you lean on him. He doesn’t promise an easy life, but does promise you will never be alone. You can find more information on that at places like hope.org, or reach out to me or any number of Christians out there. Our purpose isn’t to judge, or ridicule, but to offer help to this broken world (remember we all are broken too).
Until next time, my God bless you and keep you.
Disappointment is always a good thing
Hey everyone,
Ever been disappointed with something or someone? You more than likely have, so have I.
For whatever reason somethings just never seem to live up to our expectations. Sometimes that causes us to lower our standards, sometimes it means voicing concern about the thing or person. Whatever you have been disappointed by in life so far, remember that disappointment is a good thing.
Ok, you’ve lost me you crazy guy. What do you mean disappointment is a good thing? It never feels good to be disappointed.
Well no, it rarely feels good to be disappointed; but that does not mean that it isn’t a good emotion to have. In fact it is a great emotion to have, about things and especially people. Ok, before you go off the deep end, let me explain.
What does it mean to be disappointed? Well, it means something or someone didn’t live up to your standards or to what you expected. Expectations and standards are things we rarely place on anything that we do not value.
You know that sports team you barely remember the name of? Oh hey, they won their last game. Do you care? No. Why not? Because you don’t place any value in them (not to say that their is no value in them, only that they don’t mean anything to you).
Your parents however are likely a different story. Whether your parent’s live up to your expectations or not, there is likely some disappointment with them your remember from growing up. Does that mean your parent’s are the worst in the world? No, and even if they are, the presence of disappointment means you place value in them, even if they weren’t the greatest.
I have been very blessed to have had such supportive parents growing up, not everyone does. But pretty much everyone has had a parent or guardian that was disappointed in them during their life (possibly they still are). This isn’t a bad thing, in fact it is the opposite. You see, the presence of disappointment means that you have value to them, that they love you.
Whether it is a person (like family, or friends), or a thing (like a favorite movie series) disappointment means that there were standards to begin with. You don’t place standards on things you do not care about, and as such a lack of disappointment in your life probably means you don’t value very many things.
Disappointment is good, and leads to you having strong emotions about that person or thing. Just remember to try and put a more constructive spin on your feedback, just like God puts in his disappointment with us. Humanity fails, on repeat, but God is always trying to give us advice in how to live our lives. He doesn’t give us some checklist, but actual feedback and purpose to our mistakes.
Until next time! May God bless you and keep you.
Why should I be creative? and how can I become more creative?
Hey everyone,
This is the last entry on the “creativity series” of blog posts. The final two subjects were really so related I figured we would tackle them in one post. In the first two entries we defined creativity, and explained why it is important. So we know what creativity is and why it is important, but why should we strive to be creative?
Creativeness is a truly interesting trait. Creative people tend to look at the world in unique ways. For instance, you have a problem at work, no wait lets be more specific.
You need to build a presentation for your boss. The boss wants you to figure out a replacement for an aging piece of equipment, lets say a printer to keep it simple. You could just look up a few and pick a printer that matches your needs within a reasonable price. That is the direct way to replace it, but what happens when your boss asks ‘why did you pick that printer? I heard good things about x’ or something along those lines. Well that is where the presentation comes in.
Perhaps you should create a little 5 slide presentation that shows, review scores, price, capabilities, customer support options, and ease of use. All those slides would feature different graphs, like a few bar graphs to show price comparison, a line graph for review scores, etc. Now when you present that to your boss, he/she will know you actually did your homework and that a though process went into your selection. A presentation like this would be a common application of creativity in the work place. The building of something original, in order to present an idea, or thought. Also this is more likely to get you some positive points with your boss by just putting together something with a bit of creativity.
That is just one example. Creativity makes you stand out. Everyone is unique so that doesn’t really set us apart from one another. Demonstrating your ability to be creative, and use that as a positive force in your life will always make you noticed from your peers.
‘Okay, so I get why it could be helpful, so I should get me some more of this creative stuff. How do I do that?’
It isn’t easy to come up with ways to be creative if you don’t have a lot of creativity to start with. Funny enough, creativity is actually obtained only from the influence of others. Let me explain. Some people are born creative, they received it from God. Everyone else becomes creative by watching, taking note, and attempting to apply the things the creative people are doing. Why do you think more people don’t write books, creative masterful pieces of art, or design engineering marvels? Most of those people are born with a gift, but the rest of us can do it too, just not on our own.
To become more creative, you need to talk to people, read article/books written by creative people, seek artworks, look over technical designs (if you can under stand them), or even go into nature and look at a glimpse of God’s pure creativity. Creativity is born of inspiration, so everyone can get it since we all can be inspired.
As the old saying goes, great things are born of 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. I would argue that even though the percentages are so unbalanced that both the 1% and 99% are actually equally valuable. Without the inspiration you just sit in the same spot spinning your wheels and not knowing where to go. Creativity is the action of taking inspiration and forming it into a use within the real world. This still leads to more work, but it is work with direction and purpose.
I hope this series helped someone out there. Next week we’ll be starting another series, I’m not completely decided on what to start. Feel free to suggest a subject and I will do some research and cover it as best I can.
See you next week, and may God bless you and keep you.
Christopher J Hillger 